i wish you would come to mie..but that was only a wish.





set me free ... today a lot happens ... i got no mood to eat ... i skip my lunch ... for dinner,because i am eating with my father..thats why i need to but i ate a little ..










this slogan is what i always said when i was form 1..

he gave me a miserable life after that..everyday i wanted to see him but he kept on ponteng-ing..

if i promise not to kill you...can you suicide?

i might say this even now..i regret it..today i saw him..so close..he said "excuse me" while riding his bike..that time i am wearing my spec so i saw it very CLEAR.before i know it was him who said it i just let him go with the thought "where are u rushing to? =="

and after that i only realize that he did it on purpose..remembering my past was so hurt..but can we still be friend as i had said?can we?can i press down my feelings?can i make anything possible?can i?

everything start today morning..2am..i was scared and cried..why?why i need to suffer?crying is usual to me..but..2 am..i heard stomping footstep from my father's room..running up and down..i felt scared..coz i know something had happened..the atmosphere that time was scary and tense and cold.

hospital pantai.i hate you.i dont even wish to visit u because of bad things again.althou its my birth place but i still hate you.

today like usual going skull..but with mixing feelings.raindrops covers my teardrops.i did something awfully stupid AGAIN this morning.i bought my mc with me but its rainig so i slip it in my physic practical text book.

then i pass up all my text books la.and then after rehat,after all books has been return, only i realize that my mc.....it not i hand it to class teacher or not..what i worry i my name on it ==

after that..its adm..yesterday also got adm but teacher din give the exam paper why??!!why today ??why when i came to school you give out??!!why din u give it yesterday??fully despressed why i think of my friend pitying me..and stepping on me..

after all this rubbish there is more..but i will start with my good ones.. today..kept daydreaming..oh ya..when he called me that time i was with my malay fren(that super nice one)..she said "ooohh you...." haha i guess she can tell by the face of his..

he make a very cute face..and she kept on saying he was cute == haiz.we had NO MORE chances.that makes my heart race so i dont deny i like him.that make me almost langgar kereta ah == i din concetrate on road ><>

these days i realize this while helping my mom cooking..being a MOTHER was NOT EASY.they cook,do laundry, and most of all TAKING CARE OF BRATS.if its good kid nvm but mostly is bratssssss.

also other good thing is i maintain some of my emotions by reading comics..not mine..i finished it a bit slower than usual because my friend kept asking my this and that so i read it again and again ==

and then..hmm..i get duit raya from mamoru~~this one is the best thing..this is the second duit raya i get..i means malay de la..first is when i was standard 5 or 6..get from school de..

umm..then go home..skip lunch(but i drank a glass of ribena =) ).do something.do something.online.do something.facebook-ing.sleep.wake up.eat.sleep.online. *this is what i did everyday == but today with mixed emotions*

ohhh come to think of it..mayb i laugh too much yesterday..its always like that ..one day i laugh too much i will had many miserable days..its FAIR.

hey i realize i really does like mamoru and izumi(as friend) this is real feelings..not funny at all.they din mind to help others,good manners,without counting who correct and who wrong,always smiling..and etc..i really does love them!! they are the best!!

just now saw a video about drivers..accidents..then first thing come in my mind is "u wan die go home suicide.dont take other ppl with you!dont make more innocent ppl go die with you.i dont wish to be one or neither do i wish u to be the one.life has NO "TAKE TWO"

the same thing i will said for smokers,and others..

end here..

StrEsS

i felt more stress compared to when i am taking my spm trials..why?mie holiday also need so stress?erm the going out thing and my jealousy level grows..plus my anger for about 3+ people..

hating someone makes me felt tired..jealousy makes me angry..angry makes me hate..hate makes me tired..tired makes me more hate that person..

i felt so close to you but yet so far away..i am sad+emo+angry+jealous+etc..what can make me happy?...i also dunno..my feeling now is complicated..i felt like crying and shouting out loud..but now is night lor..

i felt sad..something is in my heart that i cant talk about..only him..but we broke up..we din contact for 2 month..if can i wish he NEVER show up or call me to remind this sadness again..my heart is breaking..

how i wish i could cry out loud now..i felt terrible with the mixing of all negative feeling..