i'm a little scared...

yeah scared now...today only i know whats the meaning of FRIEND and what did they USED for...i felt more like finding a coffin..i know i'm stupid so no need tell me..yeah lately my father keeps on and on comparing me...haiz...

i'm scared dat one day i will be alone(dats the me from today 11.45)..today i found out wat does friend USED for..now i tell all of u..I THINK I NEVER NEEDED A FRIEND..i need to find my courage and i know i will found it sooner or later..i need strength..i need encouragement(dats also the me from the past)..

again i expect encouragement from other ppl..dats why now i'm very dissapointed...2009 for me is full of unlucky-ness,dissapointed,bad luck,mad-ness,and other negative...mayb i still din find the angle of positive side...

today when bm..i din bring kertas kajang those sheet(yeah i sengaja say SHEET indeed of paper)..so i pinjam with one of my classmate..a malay guy but know mandarin..this guy..he said "erm 20 cent each" ..then my friend borrow 2..

i'm STUPID i thought she buy one for me..but then she use it herself then i think alone.."hmmm this girl so nice har..."..ok enough with the sindiran..so suan lor i buy 2 myself lor..40 cent..i thought this guy just playing but he really did kept it in his pocket..

at that moment start i ask myself "is this a joke?"..okay nevermind..40 cent one lesson..i will NEVER borrow anything from him EVER again..NEVER!!if he does i will count him 30 cent each!(this is called revenge,ppl who dont get their revenge are considered ------!!)

ok now i tell u what friend are used for(for some of my friend to me)..JUST A TOY!!..u know i am not a dolly..haiz bazir my energy to be happy for something like "oh someone is same class with me now!!yay GOD bless me..i am forever grateful..lucky me.." i am TOO stupid to say dat..

now i totally change the script into an opposite one..i know i'm NEVER lucky..dats who i'm..now she said she want to change back to science 2 so this friend izit same like nothing?for me with and without them is the same..

with them i will feel even more uneasy coz they will one day BETRAY you..so prepare yourself..even the best ever friend will betray u so i never trust anyone except for my family members but my father once told me "dont trust ppl so easily STUPID!!" ..haha..so shall i?or shudn i?..

today saw him on the way to bio lab so turn back quickly and run away faster..seeing him bring me a lot of pain dats hidden deep inside me and the old memories..yeah so this is what i learnt today..felt very dissapointed and pain!!

oh ya froget about what my friend did..she even said something i DONT wan to hear the most..i'm too unlucky..do u think u are unlucky?i think i'm the MOST!!in the rank of luckiness..i always will be the LAST!!

and also today was such a XXXX day..today bio so i sit down..then becoz last week i din go skul so i missed some details and i'm nervous because i din do preparation..okay now question time..teacher go on and picking student to answer her question..

deng deng deng..first was amir and he answer perfectly without doubt(admire him)..then second was me!!..i was blur..third was dat guy i say just now(no nid show name la) he give an answer diff from the question..and then next and next..

then we stand for a while..and teacher call the two guys who stand up to sit..i was also standing..BUT i think teacher din see me standing or she sengaja??i dont know..the guy sit beside me,uzair,said "u sit and stand also the same height" dat time i really felt was slap him..

is my height really dat of a problem?XXXX...dont mess with me..i am no longer the kitten karen..said it once more i will splash him with water!!second i will really slap him and even kick..say already 2009 is a year for me to be calm,violent and silent!..u think i dont dare?..try it..

my height is none of ur business coz u are not my anybody..go and mind ur own business which u cannot even settle urself or u are so free to talk about why dont u go and do something else?!!(actually i have a bad meaning here but i wont type it bcoz not gud for children underaged..under 14)

haiz..

each day pass by...i grow up even more sick..i go see doctor got 3 times dy?i think so..each time the pils is even bigger T.T..why..mayb i worry too much about my class and things..haiz alone is something i'm scared of but GOD let me through it..i think its a trial to try me..

being alone is ok but i hate ppl when they say me "ALONE"..just shut up and mind ur own business..i hate humans..now i never liked anyone..i'm complete alone..anti social..2009 is a year for me to be calm,violent and silent..

i dun care being alone but i hate ppl always looking at me with a meaning of "pity her"..i DONT NEED ur pity..so stay away..3 metre away..shoo shoo..now i have became anti social and i dont wish to talk so much with stranger nor with anybody(exception for my family bt include all the one i know/in school)..

each day pass by..each day in skul i felt like finding a rope..now i understand why ppl need to suicide..duno why but in skul i gt a very weird feeling dat make me felt like "suicide now!"..

i felt very dissapointed with a group of humans dat din rmb my bday..bt nvm..one of them even asked me "why u din tell"..shall i tell the whole world "yay its my birthday today!!" dat would definitely meant "i want present"..i dont need anything dat cn bought by money..i just need a greeting..is dat so expensive?

not dat i have everything but i dun need anything dat cn be bought with money..a greeting is not even need more than 5 second nor it also din need much energy..its just 2 word..is dat so difficult?am i asking for too much?i put too much expectation in them..

i thought i will gt many greetings..dats why i'm dissapointed..then more i expect the more i felt dissapointed..i will never put any confident or expectation in anybody anymore..i will NEVER expect anything from anybody anymore..i felt weak..i need strength..i need to be stronger..

dissapointed+gloomy+sick+sad+unhappy+other things=a totally bad luck for me..i am one bad luck girl..i think i'm the bad-est luck if compare to my frenz and siblings..

yeah my father like to compare..and dats the one and only reason dat i lost my interest in study..i felt like "haiz i will NEVER surpass him" T.T

sicking -karen-

humpty dumpty?

humpty humpty humpty dumpty...just playing on word..the humpty lock and dumpty key...haiz still sick-ing...i think i wud be better if i dun worry bout dat thing..well dun worry when u are sick or else the sickness will gt more bad like me...

buying this and dat..for the school opening..haiz i hate school..especially when nex year is the class where i wud be alone..well i like alone..i hate pair work u know..it make me furious to pair work..i hate pair work with anyone..

i like being alone and studying alone..but i have no other option in tuition centre..haix..but i like home tutor coz the teacher will only concentrate on me..and i cn ask as much question as i want..

oh ya today the second time go see doctor..T.T so cham..well morning is ok but night really cham lor..talking about night on the 1-1-08 i aim to gt a gud dream but din gt one..i din gt a bad one either but when i woke up feel like i was beaten.. >.<

continue with the clinic..today when i waiting to take the medicine i saw a women(erm a lady is better?well whatever..)..this women looking at me(i think) then i quickly look if i stepped on something or anything..she kept staring so i arrogantly look away(haha this is nt my intention,i dont look at people much becuz my eys sight is very very poor..)

and then when she is called to be check by the doctor she walk close to me and showed me a card and give me..i gratefully(erm like with more manner) accept..(but in the end i din look close to her face,but i gt a glance..she was like aunty rose from a kindergarten..i cant be sure)

this bug me...is there such coincidence to met with someone i know in this clinic?well there was a teacher i met in this clinic too(well i dun really like dat teacher)..then while waiting for the medicine i read the card..it was "d excel kids"..i think it was a kindergarten..then when i read the back of the card its written :

-Parents Dealing With Children AGE 3 TO 6
-Those who wish to be a trainer to train their own teachers
-Those who wish to set up Kindergarten,Kids' Learning Place,Daycare,Play School,Toddler Point etc
-Those who are interested in USER of D Excel Kids

Next to Sekolah Menengah Puchong Utama

below is the card...

this really gt me curious..izit really aunty rose?itu SMPU not SMKPU1 wor..aiya really dun know ler..and izit the card purpose is to hire worker or to invite children??..