amm....

chih...wah my laptop take to hospital(repair centre)..so sad..now playing my desktop hehe..long time no use..so happy..i clean this desktop desk and all the other thing around it...wah so many dusk can make the powder...


hmmm last friday was funny...pn.soh ask the newbie(shoo yuen) to deliver a time table to class PA3 and then i am playing the vocabulary thing with other chinese classmate...the two newbie sit at the back preparing their english oral test..


this time is second oral(pair work),i am with chai jing (my class genius) yeah we did it..she was gorgeous but i forget my lines T.T wat a pathetic..yeah then shoo yuen ask soik yin to go with her instead of me(cheese i am an outsider after all)..


yeah they go without asking me anything like "which class is it?" or "where it was?" but if they ask me i also blur blur..so when rehat we like usual go library to eat books and be a book worm..that day no homework so i go there jump here jump there..


that day i "teman" shoo yuen go pejabat mintak cop sekolah...for the popular voucher..wah rm200++ leh...she so genius..i dun usually go pejebat..there worker so scary leh..but then i teman her enter and i see pn.rohani hehe..


that time soik yin at library doing her physics note..then we (shoo yuen and me) go library and she ask me "where is 4PA3?" and i say "there"*pointing at the block C second floor* she say "not there meh?"*pointing at the block B second floor* and then i get blur but i am sure it was block C because the third floor is starting with 4sc4,4sc5 and 4PA1 then below 4PA1 is 4PA2,4PA3 and 4p1 then block B third floor start with 4sc1,4sc2 and 4sc3 then below 4sc1 is 4p2,4p3 and tasawur Islam..


and then we ask ppl and know that they deliver the 4pa3 time table to 4p3 okay fine so we quickly run back to class and see khai sern so we ask him if he could go 4p3 and take the time table then deliver it to 4pa3?he blured...okay fine so we ask him to take care of our bag..


bags..we scare those other class monkey because after it will be moral class..so we get down to 4p3 and get the time table..if u are my schoolmate please dun go 4p3..it was terrible..sooo many indian..once i see them i feel as if i am in some where dirty..i am not saying what just that i hate indian boys..


okay we run to 4pa3 in the middle we see danny..so i ask danny "are u 4pa2?" he say "yes" and i gave him the time table!!oh GOD..once again i give the time table to the wrong class..i am the old student but still blur..so in the middle back to my class i remember and we run back to danny and i say "sorry sorry that was supposed to be 4pa3 time table sorry!" wah so fish neh...


that was a great laugh for me,shoo yuen and soik yin..for my funny act..this week doing nothing and today wish a happy birthday to two person..well i am not sure the other one but i am sure with my mom...


so happy looking back at the old card..include birthday,mother's day,new year,christmas and other cute and other present..wahhh there is also some that i forget i had gave to my mom..what a sweet memory..but then there is terrible card that i made when 2003(well my mummy has writen down the year)..ahaha we had a great laugh..


yeah then the other person i am not sure is guan ming..the one that i had misunderstand with..anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY ya ^_^


and last saturday go KL with my 2nd sis and her boyfren..hehe nice nice..many thing are sold there..finding a present for my mum but end up buying some tart and siew pow..haha..and so................

so much malang leh....

hmmm so much malang thing happen...bad luck...but i chose to bear with it because shu wen say that "its because the evil spirit envy u,so they make u suffer and think that GOD is evil..."...yesh i totally agree with her...thankz shu wen!!


really a lot of thing happen BUT everything bad happen..once i see his laughing and funny face or sms with him i will smile and regain my confident...today i am so happy and i scared tomorrow could be a day when i suffer...today i really like the sky colour in evening..its pretty i wish i could take a pic of it but i din bring my phone to school...its pretty and make u feel happy and peace...the colour of nature sky,ocean,cloud,air,grass...i love these colour...


hmmm today i feel really really angry neh...i say i need to control myself so i did half of it...a friend ask me "what happen??" when i am really really feel wan to commit a perfect crime to kill a human...then i tell her "please dun kacau me when i am in an extremely low mood..." and then she give up so...slowly slowly i regain my smile and laugh by making that person who make me angry TRANSPARENT!! geez...suan liao...


its more heavy if i hate him so i chose to anggap him transparent..i tell u who read this..hating is soooo heavy that making u more sad and hurting urself...so just dun do this BAKA thing or follow my baka path of hating ppl...instead of hating u can try loving or AT LEAST dun hate..at least just anggap him or her u hate TRANSPARENT then ur life is perfect without an enemy...


i have a habit of knowing a lot of ppl but then after few day i get bored..it feel like after i am bored i pretend as if i dont know that ppl..usually i dun talk to the one i feel arrogant..except when he/she ask me something then no reason for me to be rude by ignore him/her..so terpaksa jawab instead of being called arrogant by other ppl to me...


i am always always friendly..hehez..oh ya sambung just now...when i regain my smile and laugh(not fully)..i force myself to smile and laugh...i dun wan anyone to ask me "what happen??" and i malas to answer anyone what happen....and then the time i back...well i back at 1.05 then i ask my papa to come at 1.40 cause i am not sure i have chemistry additional class or not..


and then the result is NO chemi class so i and two of my classmate sit at the inside school,behind bus stop to blow water(chui sui u know??) like talk nothing...hehez then sit until around 1.40 their father come so they go back so i walk slowly to the place where i usually wait for my father..i walk there slowly by thinking.."hmmm how to do that math question??" and a lot more stuck in my head until..


1)then i see one of my school mate (can be called friend??duno...) and i walk across the road to her...then after a few minute she merungut to me..and i listen to it...she say "usually its not this late de..." i answer "ohhhhh...." then after a few minute the car arrive so she go back lur...she is so cute..mun yee which is the so called MING YEE in chinese...well she is still kekal the 'yee' at the back but me is totally different...kah yan so called jia en...


so i make an english name karen...i has an english name before JENNY but if u check the dictionary it mean "female donkey,keldai betina" lol the first timei know this is because when i am form 1/form2 one of my tuityen friend choo pei wen check her dictionary with my name..because nothing to do..and find it..geez..why me...nt good thing always me kena...good thing no me de...


2)and then after she go back..i sambung thinking what is the answer for all my question then unpredictablely someone come and he say "wah so lonely o??..." >.< ...hehe he is so friendly even i am not so rapat with him but he is a part of cell group...and then he ask me "alone hor??" and then i answer "enn.."(a kind of nod) then he ask me "u always stayback friday right?" then i answer "enn..."


then he ask me why dun i bring the two newbie??then i answer "they dun want go..." and he say "ohhh..." so funny...his name is kelvin and with 3 other guys..well they are all chinese so i wouldn scare of them and they all looks so good..they are like nice lor..but if its indians or malay guys(stranger or the one i duno) i will ignore them...hmmm i hope i berjaya convince shoo yuen and soik yin stay with me friday..or at least ONLY shoo yuen please...


even though they are newbie but many ppl notice them...no matter form3,4,or 5 (no matter science or princip account or perdagangan class..no matter genius or sebaliknya..) and a lot of ppl seem to like them..especially shoo yuen..really cute,pretty and clever most important not chuan ppl but i am not her so called BEST FRIEND coz she is always stick with soik yin..well i am juz lonely after all huh..hehe but nvm maybe that suit me...being left behind is so fish..hehez..


then he say do u know him? *pointing at adrian* and i say "enn..." so malu la talking to him..and then adrian is someone i ignore when i dun understand that i once love him..so now i understand..and he goes say "hi" with a funny and smiling face lol...i feel wanna laugh out loud..he is at the across road when he shouting at me..he scared me T.T (i think)...


i think they are a group with 4 ppl...kelvin,ken,adrian and tan guan ming..the last one is someone who has a misunderstood for me..becauseof a thing happen during form 1..so until now we din talk..i think form 2 i apologies to him(phone) and he say "sorry for what?" but then at school he make me transparent leh..so i think form 3 i say again sorry (phone) and he once again say "sorry for what??"...


geez...i dun think i need to say 'sorry' to him this year too...so juz ignore him..hehez..before go back kelvin say "becareful o.." ( i think i heard it)...hmmm form this year i know a lot of new chinese guys in perdagangan and science class that i duno...

science 1-a bit chuan...
science 2-only a guys..dulu he always alone but now he regain his happyness(i think) and now i am lonely pulak..dulu i am hyperactive..sekarang he is hyperactive..
science 3-no chinese guys...
science 4-some good some chuan..but they are friendly(i think)
science 5-i think i know some of them..one of them is the one who dun like me...and other i duno...
prinsip akaun 1,2,3-know some of them but so chuan..
perdagangan1,2,3-know some of them..a guy dun like me..and other is hong chun,adrian,ken,kelvin and otherz...some are chuan too o...


wah me so many guys enemy more than girls enemy o...(i think)..in my life if that person is not friendly/din talk to others(i mean some la but some din talk because they are quite and they are not chuan) then he/she is chuan...


oh ya today is TAN KAH SIANG birthday..our school form 4 genius..number 1 in mei exam...happy birthday o..so fish la that day i asked khai sern instead of kah siang..i ask him last week "nex tuesday is ur birthday right??" and he say "WHAT??" i forget that his birthday is on may sumthing..so fish so i keep on and say "aiya reborn la u..." and then the shoo yuen,soik yin,me and khai sern laugh..haha what a nice memory piece i have...


hmm thats all...wah so long..hehe..lets enjoy our life..keep ur smile..at least force urself to smile and when u are truely sad/unhappy go and watch PHUA CHU KANG private limited the best in singapore and JB and some say batam..lol..their slogan..when i am sad i watch it and laugh..chak see ya...

soooo much dissapointed,desperate,gloomy,sad.....

i did cry...but i think its nevermind..ahaha blame myself so trust other ppl lor...and i trust myself too...haiz nvm la..truthly i am really dissapointed..who else can i trust if not my own family??who else??i believe in GOD and my family the most..but now it seem a bit change after my father and my own mother trick me....


i am really dissapointed..dissapointed u know??dissapointed...i am really really dissapointed..i did cry out...how can??now i only straight away ONLY believe in GOD...and NO ONE ELSE..i wont believe in u either...after all he(my own father)say that "din believe ppl so easily...there is no one to be trust anymore...except the GOD...


okay let see from today..i WONT believe...it hurt me..it slash i my heart...i feel painful..thats what make me want to cry..i never cry like this until my tear keep flowing through my cheek..its painful for your own family to trick and betrayed u...


now i feel nothing but i hope it will change later..because my intention is not to hate...but to cry if someone hurt,betray,gossip and scold me...i CAN ONLY cry when i feel lonely,sad,painful and so on...


now i will remember today of my life...being trick and thanks to my father and mother i learnt a lesson and i have been hurt once..i will remmber this painful year(2008),this month(august),this day(09),this hour(9),this minute(41),this second(49),this time(AM)...today is the day i feel too ainful that i want to suicide..


its different if it was other ppl who betray me..that will only cause a slash..but now its deep in my heart that i think cant even be cure anymore it will remain there forever..and then i msn my friend and she say

hui ying says (9:27 AM):ur parent jZ ply wit u...no nid put in ur heart...coz..ur mind n they nt same..

hui ying says (9:28 AM):they mayb duno hw to ply wit u....so use they cara to goutungin dewasa mind..they alway ply trick..but if gt 2 bentuk..1 is kind want second is bad 1

hui ying says (9:29 AM):he jz ask u dun easy trust ppl..it true..dun easy belive p..coz..u duno wat d man/gal is

hui ying says (9:30 AM):although is me..also dun belive too much..coz u duno wat i'm thinking

hui ying says (9:31 AM):they hv experience..know at luar banyak org yg jahat tapi muka kind only

and thanks to her i feel better and my dear friend shu wen too....she sms me tepat pada masa..when i feel really really wan to suicide...
and now i list some of my friend that have connection(friend) with me that i like...

SCHOOL
-other class
shu wen-although i always gaduh with her but she is somekind nice...
hui ying-still nice...
kah siang-make me laugh in school and never chuan...
adrian-although once i hate him but now we became friend again...and everytime i see him i will smile..he is funny..


-same class as me
pei yin-blur but caring and nice...
shoo yuen-cute..
soik yin-nice..
chai jing-nice..
khai sern-always make me laugh and i never feel chuan in him...


-cell group
shu wen,pei yin,ken,JR,steven,sheryl,hong chun,siew yee,john mak,jenny,dickson(shu wen little brother)..and steven de sister(sorry duno her name),kelvin,adrian,guan ming(although i hate him once but now the hate turn to love but i still duno,is him forgive me already??)...and somemore is the younger that i duno their name...thats all for cell group member..(i think)


oh ya and yesterday is my ketua kelas sayonara party too...so sad all the good ppl are leaving SMK Puchong Utama (1)..and the bad remain there...haiz although i remind myself not to cry but why i always did it again and again..i remember heard this word before...


and then yesterday speech was told by john mak..he say "a long time ago there was three tree named A,B and C..tree A say "i am gonna be a part of the castle" then tree B say "i am gonna be something really useful"..then 1 day a carpenter come and cut down tree A..and build a really really old house..then the second tree B is been cut down and want to make a very very precious ship..and then suddenly the one who ukir the ship make a mistake and the ship become useless and left there....and then tree C..say the same thing "i am gonna be a very very great tree in the world"..then the carpenter cut it down and plan to make a wonderful house..then suddenly the house wreck...and tree C become useless and cut to 2...these 3 tree is saying "oh LORD why U make my life like this??" and then these putus asa turn to a great semangat..when JESUS is been born in the old house build with tree A..tree A feel really really proud..and then JESUS use the old ship build with tree B to stop all the storm in the sea..then tree C sigh again..and say " u two nice la,one is the place where JESUS was born and one being step by HIM and then this tree C is not the place where JESUS born nor being step by JESUS but JESUS is been hang on it...tree C feel proud TOO because its been a part of the suci thing..
THE END...
this speech is great...


"if u are hurt.......just cry out loud,as much as u want to...it will make u relieve " but i some relieve but also some hurt....that slash so pain la....

wuhooooooo.......

hmmm i heard tml is gotong royong so should i go??hmmm maybe its nice...to help..oh ya i MUST make a change of myself leh..its somekind terpaksa what...hmmm a bunch of thing i cant do leh...but i will try it...

CANT
-hate
-trick
-lie
-say those #&*%$@# erm the bahasa kasar la..
-kill
-commit ******** (well my friend told me)
-disobey the LAWS
and much much more...(nt nice de thing la)

MUST
-love (i will have to try hard on this because i even need to love my enemy leh..even girls...haiz)
-good
-pure
-trust
-have faith in GOD
and much much more(good thing la)


yeah i try it..now i am trying the most hard for me is to love even ur enemy..oh my oh my..yeah i make them transparent but thats not a kind of love...cis...cheeseeee..but i try not to hate him anymore..and i did sms him lately..so i feel happy after i make up with him..maybe because i less a beban(the hate feeling)..its really a heavy feeling to keep inside u..


and lately i have been smile a lot and then that day (maybe tuesday 5-8-08) i was smiling and laughing and playing really crazy but then who would have guess that it return as sadness in the next day (wednesday 6-8-08)??yeah i think i will have to keep alone all the time..because bersusah-susah dahulu,bersenang-senang kemudian..


i have been keeping myself away from my dear friend..they are all clever and i am always left OUTCAST..real friend huh..i wonder does it exist??or even the word FRIEND is just an illusion??....i had no idea..

yesh....

yesh...finally i learnt to face with problem then running from each of them..ahem i did call the one that i am avoid from..sms him and say a "hi" so....it seem nothing happen.okay i settle with him...i chose to face with others problem too and i dun wan to hate anymore...now i learnt that hating other make u in pain and always being cursed..


in the opposite of hate i will turn it to the perfect love...even the girl i hate..even the chuan-est i will be patient not to curse them back..yeah yeah yeah...


oh ya and then today duno what to call...today almost kena baling with pei yin book...luckly i have a habit of making fun of ppl...when i see someone is throwing stuff then i will critic their ability to of baling accurately..so usually i will block myself with something so that time when she throw was my adm adm class(i think) then suddenly the book flew bengkok and went straight to my face but before that i block my face with two bio paper...wah pei yin throwing is so NICE leh...then she and the two who sit beside my laugh..


aiyo...somemore she is a basket ball player leh...dun play anymore la..not accurate de...haha just kidding...oh my lucky day not because kena baling la..its because she baling x kena me...


and then when rehat at the library..i see that xiao didi so bising one...named francis(i think) and his sister acnes(i think)..his sister is more mature than him la...so childish..and somemore say me "SHORT"!!!what the heck??what to do with u if i am short??u are not my bf or hubby...blek...but nevermind i forgive u...and then a usual the guys are hungry(sorry cannot find another word to express that word) waiting for shoo yuen...yeah but today they are more sctive..more active la and somemore when that xiao didi kacau me..there is a guy say "woi xiao didi" then jeling2 at shoo yuen and then i think he is saying "woi still kacau my girl ar??!!!" lol and then he point at me and say "this is kah siang de" and then suddenly i felt cold and wanna muntah la...


no guys would talk to me like that before...everyone know kah siang with siew chong de...aiyo why say me too??...actually i went to library everyday and if someone want to find me..i wounldn be in canteen when rehat but in the library...and i today i went there to do my homework and some review then i put back all the book i take (3 buku tebal biology) and while put back i say "haiz today i cant do my homework de la...."...


and then for a while they are like monkeys...at the door...i scare to walk so i ask pei yin walk first..ahaha okay la update later....hehehe...thank GOD for the happiness HE gave me and also the sadness..

tootoorooroo....

funny title (i think)...ahaha..hmmm about yesterday first august i see him (DIRECTED) cannot run away man coz we go to the same place after stay back...yeah no run away so i have no choice but to face him..that time i wan to say "i am soooo sorry to ignore u and pretend like i am the best....i am soory even though we break but can we be friend back??since we are the friend for form 1 and 2...) but i din say it...there are reason...

1)firstly my mood was down...lose something really important..hoping next monday can find at school...please without it i D.I.E.
2)second is malu la..what after all he is the one who dump me and then i am the one who pretend arrogant and ignore him the last time...
3)and lastly but not least is he seem to be hate me..well after all i did all the arrogant face to him...everyone would be angry..i know that very well but still i just do it again and again..

oh GOD please let me say it if i have chance...i need GUTS...oh please..please make him forgive all my sins to him..


and then i duno when i dream about him (duno which wire i sot(gila/tercabut) jor...)..about 8-7-08 gua...haiz...so these day was so....duno how to say like always got happy and sad...so KAGUM shoo yuen o..so many guys wan to pikat her...well she is a pretty,cute,baby voice and face,clever,nice,soft,innocent,gentle and so on...really really kagum o...


haiz so tired la study study study but STUDy is the job for a STUDent...just need to do my best right...yosh!!SPM wait for me..i will be arrive/meet U(SPM) 17 month more..looking forward..i duno how he/she(SPM) look..