i hate merentas desa..

i reli hate merentas desa..see the canteen day 4 years once but merentas desa 1 year once..what the hell..the worse..well this is only latihan..hmmm today i plan to be QM helper but the helper already chose..UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!!!every year also i cant b checkpoint..

grrr..unfair!!!!!!!!!!and then afta skul i wait 1 hour and more so i drink 2 tea(50 cent one and got ant inside de *vomit* well afta drink i baru feel it)then plus some keropok lekor 10 cent one the one like small small de...haiz 1 hour is long la(hmm i don blame him well he need to work for this family,that point i can understand so i din show my kemanjaan..)feel so tired..haiz then i slept in the car -_-" (cant help,thats my habit)..

aiyo first february still got kejohanan merentas desa..grrr like want to shout all the bahasa kasar out from my heart..feeling sumkind sad,wanna cry,sleepy,unsatisfied,lonely,my heart like in the 18th floor of hell..thats making me suffer..

and then when i slept my mom come in and touching my head..hmmm nice mom hehe...she worry about me alot although it seems like she was unreasonable sometime..hehe...i see him at skul today..feeling more sad...

my skin is darker...i hate it..well number 1-30 is not me de la..qm qm qm please let me in..i don wan to run..making me tired and darker..the sun is always by my side (well can say coz when i am in the car the sun is always following me -_-")

haiz...

haiz 2 or 3 day no update blog jor..ahem ahem reli stress la..today combine with pa1 and pa2..science 1,3,4 and 5 another class..how come??why not science 1,2,3 n 4 together then science 5,pa1 and pa2 together..that class reli a lot chinese guy that i know(bising de)..well luckly that HE and HE and HE and He..........are not in that class but my mood is sum kind bu shuang(dont feel well)..haiz why la so unlucky de!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i wan shout this out!!!!!!


these day a lot of thing hepen o..the thing (problem) keep poping out and never end..that day tuesday 22/1/08 a guy ask my name how to say then i tell him la..and i curious why he want to know??then afta that a malay guy(pengawas)make me laugh never stop..he is funny..


and then no math so balik awal then my fren and i go to the public phone to call my papa to fetch me..then the outside public phone telan my 30 sen lor..so i go to the inside canteen phone that phone okey la but i put 50 sen and call my father for a second only then my 50 sen habis..haiz what to do when thats my first time using a public phone..


then on that day est also a teacher ask me are u goh's sister??then i say "yep"..haiz im not the one that famous..then when rehat a weirdo(my ENEMY) say something to me when rehat at outside of the girls toilet (well i am waiting for sumone..


well i duno why they are enjoying going skul toilet everyday..i wan ask ur house no toilet meh?)but i not sure he say what bcoz he say like a kereta api and the voice is quick well i am sure its something bad bcoz i never heard him say anything good b4..


then on 22/1/08 also i newly find out that new student(dun wan to mention her name) got a brother..hmmm at first i thought that was her boyfren..haiz i just predict..*sigh*...i wan her brother well her brother is so white,cute and leng chai..well i got ask one question more "is him ur abang angkat or kandung??"..lol..well masa kini a lot of ppl is angkat de..


23/1/08 is thaipusam so no skul then go to shop and loitering there..playing computer like cc haha but there no nid money to enter free de XD..

hepiness + sadness =neutral/normal

today feel like hepi,stress,sad,disappointed,suffer,lonely and other..well the hepiness and sadness combine together are equal neutral like the positive and negative charge combine together equal neutral..hmmm today moral know new fren guys..

well they are in my skul long time jor but some guys i duno..so i din talk to them this all time,well i see them when form 2/3 then i juz walk like they are transparent..hehe well i duno what to say..

i am feeling lonely,sad and stress coz many good girl go be the pengawas/pengawas pusat sumber well i am too short and too small for being a pengawas then i dun hav time to go for the meeting of pengawas pusat sumber..the pengawas cloth is 80+120+8+2 pairs of cloth..haiz so expensive just next year la..i will be the ajk or other ajk baa...



not even a single hi or hello..today when moral they talk a little to me coz i sit behind them...haiz moral so sienz like wanna fall to my bed and sleep..oh ya one of my fren say i LOVE those guy(twins) sit infront of me..dun kidding la..they got gf jor(i think)..haiz feel sleepy...until now la bubbye ^^

busy busy...

new year coming soon so busy to prepare..today go shopping..decoration..deco deco..well i deco my room and the living room in front of my room with the angpau,colour paper,my drawing(later),my chinese writing gong xi fa chai (mayb),and some mouse/rat wallpaper..

i like drawing so my iagination shud b strong..i imagine a lot of thing include i plan to decorate the whole house,sweets in the box i make (hmmm this i already make it,some only i nid some more different sweets and pack it in a paper box),then is the downstair table shud be full with kam(sumkind like orange),sweets,snack and all food then the angpau gantung(with money) aroung the wall..

well this plan remind me about when i am a young child (i 4get how old)hmmm that time i visit my -----(4get jor who izit)his house full with angpau at the wall different amount of money in each angpau(i think)well that time i am too short so i din get it and the i think my sibling get it for me gua or din..haiz this is past jor..but its sweet..^^

hmmm my word sumtimes got needle/tulang in it so i know it hurt other ppl a lot but thats my habit..*sweat*

i can be kind to kind ppl..sumtym my jealousy feel even can lead me to the worse level..sum ppl make me hepi and some ppl make me sebaliknya..the sweet ppl is reli kind..i miss all my ex-classmate lor..

do u trust that i can remember some teacher name(the past )..well i remember the kind and the sebaliknya..haiz nvm la its past..so jeanne ^^

2day 3rd post *sweat*

can anyone tell me how can i feel better or get rid of those feeling??well i try making stupid joke and laughing with myself,hearing music..haiz this feeling is weird..like i am worrying bout sumthing what izit??what izit??i feel wanna collapse now..


i wan sleep and never wake up (i am being a wimp/coward)..this me isn the usual me..whats wrong??what hepen??...the usual me no matter what hepen i will laugh or even smile but now what hepen??...i..i..duno what to do feeling down and...stress...and...disappointed..why...

2day 2nd post,coz i 4get sumting -_-"

oh ya i forgot this...hmm that day i got arrange the person important to me rite..i think i forgot to put two more ppl in..

well see me rush like this that two person reli important nerh..hmmm nid to do wat le okay rearrange the top 4 only coz i malas wan write again..oh ya that two ppl i mention is same place with my sibling or mayb higher a bit la xp..sori sori ya...

-GOD

-mama

-papa

-sibling n the two ppl

well the two ppl i used to call them mo nga ko ko and aunty(i think)..they take care of me when i am young..my father say that i melekat(haha i duno how to express that word so nvm la huh...XD) with him..

hehe i reli like that mo nga ko ko that time now long time no see him jor and i duno when is him and her..i reli miss them..they take care of me so long time jor...today i feel like wan cry as muc as i wan..why..

i reli wan cry..i duno why feeling weird,stress,disappointed bla bla bla...i hope this feeling gone soon..i..cant hold on with this feeling i have..mayb afta a sleep i will b okey gua..

hmmm....

today when go eat breakfast in the car..i daydream..remind me sumting sweet hepen when i am form 1..that time reli is the hepiest year..play with those chinese guy(not like now de chinese guy well i duno them..they are from class A,B,C and D)..haiz i more like to play with class 1Kental and 2Hebat guys..they are sumkind funny,sweet,great in humour sense...

i reli miss those time..time pass faster than i tot..now reli stress with career,spm,college (well i reli scarethe ppl around me always scare me with those saying "aiyo if u don get any A's u won't be able to enter any college" it give a lot of stress to me)..

i miss my form 1 and 2 life..time oh time return back to the hepiness and stop there,bcoz i wan to be the one smiling at the end of my life (sound weird??...hmmm)...

reli a lot of stress latihan sukan,hmwork,bla bla bla..haiz..i reli try to be kindbut still some habit reli cant change..

oh ya habit remind me some good habit of mine well when i enter class i cant stop from knock the class(whether there are teacher or not but when i am younger i even knock the toilet door only in skul)

afta knock i go near teacher and say "selamat sejahtera cikgu" this is my usual conversation..but when i am rushing u will heard me say "selamat harta cikgu" (well this is sinkope XD)

when see teacher at the corridor say this or when i afta i ask sumthing i will say "terima kasih cikgu" (whether i ask or teacher ask well afta i talk to a teacher i will say terima kasih as the end of my conversation)..

selamat sejahtera,terima kasih is the usual word i say in skul(with teacher)..sorry,welcome,thankz,hello,*smile*(to my fren)..well this is my habit cant change it ^^

the frozen heart and memory...

feel kinda weird weird de..well this long time memory is frozen..and i will keep it but not to think of it whether its sweet or bitter...the thing i need to remember is now...well reli bad luck these day..yesterday din bring my spec to skul so need borrow this borrow that..

today my best fren no go 2 skul so i sit alone..and some ppl make me angry but i promise not to get my revenge bcoz the one who get revenge 99.9% is xxxxxx or xxxxx (hope u understand)..as usual i see him well we are the same skul of coz i see him...and also as usual there are a bunch of homework wait to play with me...haha juz imagine it..

hmm today got sport at my skul but i skip it..i don reli like sport..well today so boring sit alone..no joke..no humour sense..no fun..no game..oh no time now rushing to do some laundry...wah i am so berdikari o (i praise myself only la XD)chak c ya ^^

hmmm...suicide...

hmmm today at skul is nice no one dare to kacau me...hehe...well but at home is the worse...when i come back my father ask me to wash all dish(well i am not angry bcoz of this)...

the thing worse is that i sleep for 4-5 hour...*cry*...i cant control myself well first i plan to find some information in internet then end up with sleeping all the day and my physics,bi,moral and bm haven done yet..bla bla bla...wawawa..*sob*

today as usual i wait for my papa at the longkang (haha i mean the tepi there..aiya duno how to express in word la)...well i oledy usual wait at there and see some pair lover holding hand (oppps not till there)hehe..

oh ya at the same time i see him and her(i think is his new gf gua) think so only..well i say i dun care but why i feel like so many neeble inside my heart..well i plan to forget him but end up remember him more and more...each time i see him i will be more suffer form avoiding form him..

that time i feel like nid some water to wash my eye hehe...y y y???haiz nvm i cry at my own room to realease my pressure..hmm how can i forget him??haiz everytime my plan end up with other thing..

chiu why i nid to be like this...okey okey love too complex for me,i cant digest it(haha digest is for food..i duno if my speeling is correct or not)maybe i can digest just friendship..hehe..i know one malay sentence/bla bla bla say 'yg pahit jgn terus dibuang dan yg manis jgn terus ditelan'..

too many thing i talk bout him rite..can sum1 tell me a way??or i nid to just relax n act like nth hepen between us??or try put another one in my heart..ohhh ya maybe i shud love HER so that i will forget HIM..

okey dun worry i am not lesbian juz that i like her reli reli much she is my friend and our friendship is the best...well this is what i thought..i duno whether she take me as her friend or not but i reli reli do love her..

hope to see her in the future "MY BELOVED ONE!!!!!!!!!!" i want to shout this word when i see her in the future but i duno can it rmb her??or do i hav that longer time??hu knows..dun worry b hepi..

okey enuf with the sad thing..start with hepi ya..pahit dulu manis kemudian ma...today physics i sit with a malay guy pengawas..he scare me..know why??he talk to himself alone and smiling alone...try to imagine it...aiyo i just cant stop laughing when i see straight into his eyes/face..

tat day introduce day(i foget jor the date but i wont forget what hepen) well malay guy sure are a great joker..when they laugh too muc then i cant control myself and laugh together..but if chinese they are making stupid joke so not funny at all especially him...

i start to like 4s2..4s2 is the best among all other class(my own opinion)well 4s2 no gengster mayb those guy are gengster looking but they are nice,they never kacau me and great in study..'wah' and 'wow' is my first reaction..the first time i see them i feel like 'aiyo gengster ar' but then i know i was wrong..i am the one who is gengster than them..*sigh* **[>.<]**

broken plan jor...

haiz..today actually i plan to do my sejarah note,math,bi,chemistry,est,physics n moral folio de but end up playing computer..i thought i juz wanna check some information but end up open messenger and playing games...well well thats my habit..

haiz hope i can change i la(hope so)...errr pretty sad thinking of i am the second worse in my class..well 4s2 is the clever clever de class..from form 1 until form 3 i NEVER got number 7-last...from form 1 i get number 1 in the march test then the same in may n july then i get number 4 in last year..form 2 i get number 3 in march test,number 1 in may n julai n number 3 in last year exam..then form 3 in march i get number 3/4/5 i forget jor..

haiz..hopeless to get number 1-30 in 4s2 which means i will get scold form my father hu fetching me in n out,tuityen here tuityen there,fees fees fees driving him crazy n the result...he gonna scold me..i can know by predict but anyway i will try my best..scare..river of tears..

haiz what am i thinking??..nonsense past is past..i am going forward and not backward...i will forget past and move on forward...get the best and be the best ^^

i want to 'ichiban' to the one i love(mama,papa,my doll n other XD) and the one hu love me(myself)..gonna crying all this year..rival with such clever clever de ppl...*faint*

great great great great day ^^

today so nice leh...first all student need to be arrange in unit beruniform,kelab & permainan...start with unit beruniform of cuz PBSM more chinese so i get in there then is kelab kemahiran hidup..err this also same more chinese girl so i chose this...well i was chosen to be the ajk form 4..well a guy thats the same with me is ---- ahem ahem dun wan mention his name..well i know him since primary skul...i know his gengster..well kemahiran hidup got a lot of guy (malay)..no chinese..no leng zhai..*sob*..XD

well when done i move to badminton the last permainan...b4 that i was surprise by a guy form5(my girl frenS brother) ask me "are u an OTAKU??"..uhhh i wanna faint that time because i never expect he will ask me..otaku is a kind of human that like animation like animax,drawing anime and other about anime..well when u c my blog got lotZ of anime pic,its obvious i like it rite?..

then badminton n pn.------- (so garang dun wan mention) she say to all hu enter badminton "utk masuk badminton syaratnye ialah sekolah rendah kamu pernah masuk apa-apa pertandingan peringkat sekolah"..well obvious i dun like sport so TERPAKSA go n join QM..well qm got lotz of chinese girl too ^^..qm no syarat lor nice nice de..

then all done and all student get back to their own class..so i go to my class la..when get in that class,i get out and see the papan tanda(the class tanda)..that time i am asking "what??am i got in the wrong class??" then i go ask a fren and she say "not u get in wrong class is THEY get in wrong class only"..

well that surprise me..if they want to kao lui go other place la..why standing in front of me..(obvious i juz enjoying LOOKING at leng zhai but i dun like them XD)...my class is a class that full with humour..hilarious..i was laughing all the time..6 malay guy in front of me is funny and a cute malay guy (haha i think so XD,that know mandarin) sit beside me (everyday)...haha lucky ^^

today find out i cant b alone..*cry*..pathetic..

no mood..

today back skul at 1:05..LAST MINIT ask all student back at 1:05 make me wait for 1 hour..i hate it..1 hour at skul sit alone..can u imagine..okey fine only 1 houe well its reli usual for me to wait...the longest time i wait i think is 2-3 hour..grrr..

thats fine...back home i go take rice to my room then my father suddenly call me..well i put my rice at my room then go to cut the fruit..fine the a minit later my mom call "go n pick the laundry ar"....grrr that time i reli mad..i haven eat

busy busy busy..today is a busy day..

today so busy rushing in n out,rushing 4 this n that n this blog also i did it by rushing so it has mistake..today also got a lot of homework...today back early n so cham i get the text book today plus some more i buy exercise book so it is TOO heavy...n i nid to wait 4 my father..err 1:40 i wait till 2:10..the actual tym i back is 2:15 (i back early bcoz my physic teacher got meeting)well luckly he din come at 2:30...

today's life.....

err...today sumkind like okey la...got lonely,fish('malu'),scare,sad n hepi lor..

-start with the lonely one-

well today first i start to walk in the skul then i went to the dataran for so ceramah from teacher/principle...den start sport colour(duno how to say) that time is lonely coz temenggung i din hav many fren..*cry*...

-now fish one-

my fren n other all kumpul at the place to see rearrange class..but i see there are too many so i decided to see when rehat..after tat as usual i walk in the class (well that tym late oledy)..afta tat a guy told me "ei i see ur name in science 2/3 wor" then i n my 1 of my fren (well that person so unlucky) rush down n check my name at the board..

afta see it n find out i am in 4science2 then SHE(that ppl who i ask to teman me) ask me to go bookshop..afta go bookshop i rush in 4science2 ..when i enter that class so many pair of eyes look at me..a malay guy say "apa lah amoi ni bla bla bla"..

luckly 1 of my best fren also pindah to that class..so i hav fren liao..hehe..there are 41 ppl in my class so teacher say gonna rearrange again..well when rehat i also teman SHE go to bookshop to change book so late again..

-scare-

that class full with all chuan chuan de ppl (arrogant) coz all there ppl got 6A's..haiz..their face so scary de la..

-sad-

sad that i nid to change class again (i think)

-hepi-

afta all that last subject is moral..so combine of science 2,4 n 5...there are so many chinese guy n girl..2 malay girl are special in my moral class..well fist tym i enter moral class got folio jor..haiz...but quite hepi all there ppl funny funny de..luckly i din same class with him..

like 18th floor of hell !!!

reli reli a lot of pressure around me and myself also duno where the pressure come from my family?hmmm some..my fren??a lot...but my form 4 life juz start so tat i wont giv up so easy..this start of the skul got happy,sad,pressure,depress,lonely,boring,crazy,uneasy,too much thing to think,dilemme, and the feel of BEING betray...well still okey..^^

hmmm love is juz illusion for those ppl hu believe in it...i try to change bcoz i wan to 4get him but at skul when i see him i will remember the memory that i hav with him...hmmm let see hu can tell me the best way i can forget EVERYHING about him??who can??mayb nid to giv that person reward ^^

mayb juz relax n relax i can forget him...i tot if i cut my hair n chnage the appearance i can forget about him but i remember more le...why?then i try remember him but as the fact i remember him clearly in my brain...y?...it make me suffer....oh ya these day i see HIM in skul n then he juz walk away like i am kinda transparent jor..hey excuse me i hav colour what,i am not transparent well if i am transparent than its a good thing bcoz...ngeh ngeh ngeh ngeh ngeh...creepy leh..

but this day still got A hepi memory thats my skul principle is so x10000000 funny...b4 this i tot he is sumone hu juz 'law by law' but i never tot he can b so funny in the other way...^^

i still remember his lesson...i start to like 4 science 4 teacher..math,sivik,fizik teacher is so great...well juz this three i hav see in the start but such a waste that i wan change clas...i hav no interest in account bcoz i dun like counting...ppl around me said "u will SUFFER even more if u enter account"...hmmm guest they are right...^^

hope hav a hepy hepy hepy year lor...same as the year coming xp....i hav think about the ppl rank in my life from the top to the last...

from top....

-GOD

-myself

-my family(only 5 ppl not include me..well i dun wan to b unfair by ranking them xp)

-my precious,great,kind,pretty,nice,good,lucky n everything good..only this ONE is my true n best friend but she change skul liao hope i can met her again in future ^^

-study

-my other family member

-tis is special ONE d one i admire..at my skul..girl (keep it a secret ^^)

-my bed

-my laptop

-my phone

-anime

-my drawing book

-my bear bear include all the thing in my room XD

-my normal friend

-my friend well can say best friend...

know why my room is more important than my friend??hmmm i let u guess,if i remember i will tell..my room has a lot of think thats soft sumtym i talk to them @@ i am not crazy juz too lonely liao so nid to talk to them lor..n blog is a place i express my feeling to...^^

hmmm sumtym i mayb will lay at my bedday dream or even 'imbas kembali' my past life...err the junior life,primary skul life..haha that tym i cant forget 1 thing that hepen when i wan standard 3 or 4 thats my first tym (no nid to say what hepen de la thats the bitter memory lor) n also when u wan to drink u nid ask teacher for permisson..haiz i ways boring with this word

"cikgu saya nak minum boleh???"

uhhh if now hav a secondary student say this..i also din dare to think wat will hepen next..mayb the teacher will laugh or faint...XD

bring u a hepy hepy bless n smile hehe...chak see ya^^

today's skul day....

ahem ahem...today okey okey la...when i get in the dewan there are so many ppl bising here bising there..aiyo so bising la...then we nid to hear some ceramah n my last year science teacher ask me "what u get for pmr??" then i answer 2A's and 5B then he said "reli??" uhhh...wat he mean by reli???

4s4 thats means account and ict so gonna change to science class lor...wah perdagangan got so many ppl o..at 1:05 pm i go back liao but the chinese class untill 1:40 well i am a special student...hehe...

err then when i wait for my papa a indian girl say to me "dulu u rambut panjang kan?kenapa potong?cantik ma..." then i think 'do i know her that muc??'..well she is just someone i met and smile only...still wanna suicide...well the one i like go acc but the one i dun like go science..why??haiz...*faint*

sumday....

that day i read a COMIC book..that book is about a guy telling a girl that 1 day she will forget his name so he din giv his real name in the first tym they met...so wat does name stand for?juz a deco?...u cant change the name that ur parent giv u bcoz its the first love from parent...

yesterday go cut hair,so short liao...well ppl say "ei ur hair so long la,go n cut la" wawawa *cry*..i keep it so long tym liao....i miss it....miss it (my hair)...well well well tomolo start skul liao lur..prepare prepare n prepare..

i hate marathon(the running around skul one..well i hate sport)...*sob**sob*..gonna blog once a week?once a month?or once a year?haha.......or mayb close this account n if hav tym take that tym to do some thing more INTERESTING like sleep....haha....

hmmm if u wanna get in any University or College the first thing u must hav money or A's...wah so many A's wor..can i?haiz....if u got many A's then mayb hav other ppl sponsor la...the fees so high leh...and the hostel more high....haiz gonna faint when i see the fees...uhhh...how 烦(a lot of thing nid to think 'fan')......

i gonna miss u my hair....*sob**sob*

today go cut my hair,i'll remember today (the day i cut my hair) haha....i gonna miss my hair....i think this is the second or third tym i cut my hair...well the first time is the worse leh,i think i hav cry that tym lor xp...

well day afta 2molo gonna start my skul day then free text book for all student then bla bla bla....

hmmm cannot on9 like this anymore le...go skul,back skul,tuityen n other...oh ya almost forgot err i go for a seminar i think they said that 'u will get 1A's 10 ringgit' err i think la...i forgot where i put that register de paper liao *sweat*....

ok anyway hepi new year ^^...yesterday so waste la i din see the firework...so sad din go kai kai...n then i hope 2nite dream come true ^^

may this new year 2008 b the beginning for sucess,romance n love bloom quickly (not 4 me but 4 u all ^^),money,sleeping(hope so)..haha....hmm that day i got a high skul musical disc from....(kept it a secret ya ^^).....gonna b preety busy jor...gonna gambateh...do the best!!!!!!

thats its chak see ya...^^