Past..

i am phobia of many thing..i am scared..i had a lot of fear..fear to/of:

• look
• explain
• hear
• understand
• touch
• experience
• being included
• look behind
• love
• being love
• hate
• being hated
• being jealous
• being greedy
• make friends
• pain
• fear of school
• being look down
• being betrayed
• being hurt
• remembering my past
• hurting ppl
• making ppl in pain

and many more....i had too much to fear..its because of him dat i felt myself step over this all pain and fear..but now its over..i dont know how long can i stand straight coz its over..last saturday i found a ring that he gave me..i cried but i felt happy in the same time..

this ring i wanted to find it a long time but always say "later" when we are still together but now its over and this ring......i will kept it..as a memory of my pain..now this all pain and fear step over me..i dont know what to do..

i am sorry..now that i realize i liked him too much..he is caring..and sometimes i felt he was annoying thou..now i know that i liked him..i will........kept on being "saudara angkat" with him..

i had a habits of liking old things...to those old thing i wont forget(70% pain memories)..i cried everyday for now..i.....i dont wish to look back..i wish to look forward..today is another bad day but i am glad..because eveytime i had fun then...i also meant i will suffer many days..

i will treasure the ring..this ring now stand for our in-law-ship(saudara angkat)..everything in the past i hoped he forget it..because the past me was terrible than how terrible i am now..i will also start to forget about old memories..

my memory card was not very big so if u ask me yesterday's stuff i can still answer you but if u ask me something like over a month ago mayb i cant answer u..these day i saw him in skul(another one) i turn away from him and walk a different path so that i wont see him face-to-face..

we agree on being friends but it still hurt..its hurting me inside because i dont know whether he is sincerely being my friend or he is just making fun of me..i am scared..because of the past i dont dare to look forward and i got phobia against some guys..

now shud i clean all the memories and used a new one?although it wont be 100% clean..it will take a very very very long time to forget sad memory..